David's Little Diary

Time:	7:07 pm.
Mood:	frustrated.
Music:	Eels - Not Ready Yet.

I took today off and stayed home... I wonder how housewives can stand daytime TV... It's all meaningless.... Every show solves nothing, teachs nothing, debates anything intelligent and just sucks...

Yesterday my brother phoned me up saying how he's gonna have trouble traveling here for christmas. His car wouldn't let him drive faster than 50mph because it's well behind for a service... I wish I had a car that was that sophisticated... So he's complaining that he don't have the money to get it serviced. Anyway, oday he phoned me up from the garage and wants me to pay his bill saying he aint got the cash and they won't let release the car without payment. So once again I'm giving him money... but the worst part is the fact he just expects me to help him out now. And he know if he puts me on the spot like that situation I'll just give in. And yet he's the one with the £30,000 car and I'm the one who's overdrawn in the bank. He does the same to my mum...

I just wanna move away from here, I can't stand this country anymore...

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Subject:	Lonely & Things
Time:	9:04 pm.
Mood:	lonely.
Music:	Radiohead - Motion Picture Soundtrack.

I remember why I hated christmas so much... So fucking lonely... always... and once again...

But I can play Jenny Wren now which is good. Paul McCartney has still got it!!
"like so many girls, jenny wren could sing nut a broken heart took her song away"

Falling asleep to tubular bells... it's kinda christmasy tho...

I wrote this song called "misery cloud" today... It's kinda cute at times...It goes "I shouldn't stick around, I'll only bring you down, with my misery cloud"... I bet I'll forget it by the morning anyway...

Knowing my luck I'll die tomorrow... oh well I gotta laugh.. :)

not even my ukulele can cheer me up today... In My Little Snapshot Album...I really Like harrison's version...

Night...

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Time:

9:22 pm.

My asshole neighbour has left his dog out in the rain again... Been about an hour now... Maybe I should bust him out and take him with me when I move... hmmm... I was gonna get a dog eventually... but that aint gonna help him now... hmmm... I need to figure out some crazy elaborate scheme so rescue the dog and re-home him with cool people...

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Subject:	just another day I should forget
Time:	5:28 pm.
Mood:	cynical.
Music:	Elliott Smith - Pretty (Ugly Before).

I had a 2 hour driving lesson today and for an hour and a half of that time I was stuck in traffic. Thats £40 down the drain...
I have my theory test on monday and I'm doomed to fail. I haven't had any time to revise and nor will I have any time other than this sunday. I'm hoping it's gonna be easy...

I'm sure that Elliott was gonna add a solo or something over the top of that part in Twilight where it seems to loop forever with no lyrics or solo. hmmm, it's still great anyway tho....

Dear father Christmas,
I want a button that shocks all the stupid people around the world.

looking cool as usual...

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Time:	12:17 am.
Mood:	indescribable.
Music:	John Lennon - Starting Over.

I went on to the roof of the office building to get some fresh air away from all the smokers when I suddenly get a feeling of déjà vu… It took me a while to figure it out… It was the same feeling I had when my dad was in hospital in London. My older brother and I would go onto the roof of the hospital to give my mum and dad some time alone. I could fit my hand through a fence to open the door to the roof access. There was this place which was hard to get to but it was secluded and once there we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding us. We were caught once by the hospital janitor but we ran pretty fast and got away with it… When I look back now I wonder why we were so scared when he found us. We ran like hell and were worried all the time whether he would notice us around the hospital. I guess we didn’t want to cause any trouble because our mum and dad had enough to worry about… also the doctors and nurses were always complaining about us being around after visiting hours… I guess that’s why we would ditch school during the day to get as much time with my dad. It’s hard to remember… But when I got home tonight I realized it was almost exactly 10 years ago to the day.
That was strange…

It’s the 25th anniversary of John Lennon’s death today… I was just watching a documentary about his murder… it focused mostly on Mark Chapman's mental state and the steps leading up to it. It must be hard for his John’s family, all these constant reminders…

I like pictures of people at pianos :)

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Subject:	PRO-SOCIAL CONTENT: NONE
Time:	10:43 pm.
Mood:	okay.
Music:	Graham Coxon - Hard & Slow.

I've just found the funniest website in the world.
It's a religious site which reviews movies, TV and music for parents. It's great... Here are my favourite parts from the KID A review.

"The singer on "Motion Picture Soundtrack" believes that red wine, cheap sex and sleeping pills will help him bounce back"

"Morning Bell repeats the line "Cut the kids in half" (trouble if taken literally)"

"A hidden booklet in the CD's jewel case includes morbid violence and sexual phrases. It also features the f-word"

"teens shouldn’t waste their time on what feels like a 50-minute soundtrack from a despairing hallucination"

Full Review:
http://www.pluggedinonline.com/music/music/a0000878.cfm

The Eminem reviews are funny too:

"So much hate. Once again, Marshall Mathers goes on an audio rampage and revels in his ability to make parents’ blood boil. Don’t let teens catch his Show"

But Coldplay is their savior... It's just as well, I hate Coldplay.... They are soooo boring...

I've been writing out all my christmas cards tonight... almost done now...

needle in the hay....

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Subject:	Christmas songs
Time:	6:39 pm.
Mood:	christmasy.
Music:	Pink Floyd - Pigs (Three Different Ones).

I've been putting the christmas decorations up tonight. They look simple but never the less, cute. Well... I'm happy with them... I'm sure when my mum comes round she’ll say they are pathetic (as usual)...

I was going through this christmas album I have (trying to find the few songs I like) when I came across Happy Xmas (war is over) by John Lennon. I haven't listened to that in a while and only just noticed it sounds a lot like Flowers for Charlie by Elliott Smith. I wonder if that's a reason why Elliott never released it and only played it live. But I must say, I prefer Elliott's to Lennon's. The lyrics are really sweet (as usual)....

From my christmas album I liked the following:
Jona Lewie Stop - The cavalry
Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas time
Pogues - Fairytale of New York
Badly Drawn Boy - Donna & Blitzen (Acoustic)

Everywhere is getting christmasy...

Oh, and I have Radiohead playing Walking In A Winter Wonderland.
It's very funny... I think Thom's pretty drunk throughout... and they played I Froze Up too... I like that song.. shame they didn't stick it on HTTT or use it as one of their B-Sides around that time..
I hope they do a christmas webcast this year!!

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Subject:	Epitaph is a lovely word for such a sad thing...
Time:	8:04 pm.
Mood:	peaceful.
Music:	Badly Drawn Boy - Epitaph.

Epitaph!

"please don't leave me wanting more. I hope you never die. There's no need to say why. Just promise that you'll try."

And then Beastie boys blares out and spoils the mood.... iTunes does suck for that.... I suppose I should use the browse system instead.

I went round to my little brothers place to fix his satellite box. I fix lots of things for people and i feel good when i do....

nite

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Subject:	A nice night and a day...
Time:	6:13 pm.
Mood:	nice.
Music:	Badly Drawn Boy - Camping Next To Water.

Yep, good convasation, music and movies for about 18 hours or so. I'm tired and lazy as I should be.

We also had lots of sweets and chocolate...

I have to stop watching takeshi's castle religiously.. or so I've been told...

They had a very nice christmas tree as stansted airport... must have been expensive...

I'm almost ready to commit to saying badly drawn boy's camping next to water has my second favourite ending to a song. Second only to elliott smith Waltz #2... The falling strings that wobble sounding like a demon laughing on the 4th time still gives me goosebumps.. and thats great! ELLIOTT!!

lar dee dar.....

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Time:	8:51 pm.
Mood:	cold.
Music:	Elliott smith - Condor Ave..

I'm cold and tired..

I really miss Elliott smith today! I so wish he was still around… But I guess that would be selfish me. Him feeling like shit just so he can write about it for the rest of us...

He's still rocking everyday in my head!

Kari is visiting tomorrow.
I should really tidy the place up a bit.

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Subject:	Bus journey blues...
Time:	2:02 pm.
Mood:	mellow.
Music:	Radiohead - How I Made My Millions.

Today I was taking the bus into town (which is a rarity for me), after paying my fare I sat down and the driver starts screaming “can you come back?!” “come back!” Me being lost in my own head I didn’t take any notice of it. After the 10th time of him shouting it I finally looked up to see everyone staring at me. So I get up and walk back over to the driver and he says. “I need 10 pence not a foreign coin!” I guess from my trip to Dublin a few weeks ago I must have has some euro coins hanging around. I think a 50 cent euro coin looks a lot like a 10 pence piece. I think his mind was still on his cunning investigatory work throughout the rest of the journey, as he almost crashed 3 times...

The same kind of thing happened to me 2 years ago at McDonalds. This guy was intent on causing a scene about the legitimacy of a pound coin I had. All I remember was him repeatedly dropping it on the floor and listening for the sound it made to try and prove it was a fake coin. Me knowing nothing about the sound a genuine coin should make, I gave into his reasoning. Maybe his manger was watching and he wanted earn himself another gold star for his name tag...

but I found it all a bit funny
so i'm not feeling too bad

i've got to get out of this town...
it's not good for me.

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Time:	5:30 pm.
Mood:	creative.
Music:	Elliott Smith - Twilight and Kings Crossing..

I got my weekly “Have you forgotten about me?” text message from Korinna today. No, I haven’t forgotten about you but there isn’t much I can do about this right now. I just wish I could find a perfect person for each of my friends.

I've been writing some orchesral things with these new soundfonts I've found. I still have a lot to learn when it comes to orchesral arrangements. I wish I had studied music at uni or something. I have many questions...

Don't you hate it when fall flat onto the bed but it's got clothes and one of the belt buckels stabs into your stomach??

Sometimes I keep writing when my brains stopped thinking...

I've finaly got round to listening to all the Nick Drake albums.

I haven't yet decided which is my favourite song or album. It always takes me ages. But for first impressions I don't like Bryter Layter except "Fly" both "Pink Moon" and "Five leaves Left" seem good to me.

He's got the look of syd barrett, but he was much nicer and not insane.

It's been about 7 years since I started listening to Elliott Smith. I still can't get over how fucking great he is...
"Happiness The Gondola Man" sounds christmasy today...

Let them stars roll in...
And it's dark outside...

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Subject:	I've got to stop walking fast...
Time:	2:07 pm.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	Sigur Rós - Ágætis Byrjun.

I've got to stop walking fast...
How am I supposed to strike a conversation or have eye contact when by the time I’ve seen a girl I’m already past her?
It’s funny that when you pass a group of kids when walking fast they often make some stupid comment, but when walking slowly they don’t. I think it’s because if you are walking fast by the time you’ve heard them you are already passed and moving away. If you’re walking slowly, you’re face to face and there is more of a confrontation. I think it’s the same principle when people flip you off from a passing car.
I guess I’d be killing two birds with one stone by slowing down.

While I was walking back home this morning I was passing my local dental surgery and this guy took a ladder from the roof of his van and used it to climb to a height he could easily reach without it. All that effort just to knock on the wood above the door twice then step down. It just made me feel like I was in a movie. You know when a camera pans past the neighbours setting out to work in the morning to establish the kind of place you’re living in. Donnie Darko sprang to mind.

Oh and today is the 4th anniversary of George Harrison's death.... :(

I just want to sleep for a few days...

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Subject:	Kari is comming to see me...
Time:	10:52 am.
Mood:	gloomy.
Music:	Eels - Daisies Of The Galaxy.

Kari is comming to see me next sunday. She's traveling to vienna and stoping in england for a day before she flies back to ireland.

I need to get the house to myself, I hate it when other people are around when I have friends staying over. I like being alone so I can be myself and not have to explain myself. People never understand anyway.

Been working out how to play the piano part to that travis song "The Last Laugh Of The Laughter" I'm not much of a travis fan but it's a nice little thing to play on the piano.

and the day continues....

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Subject:	I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow...
Time:	3:15 pm.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	Elliott Smith - Waltz #2 (XO).

I'm still thinking about Belle...
Part of me wants to fly out to her and win her over. Should I care if she says no?? Is it better for me to ask and be rejected or don't ask and keep my diginty and what little self-confidence I have left?
Maybe I should say I'm going there for a holiday and I'd like to see her. I think I could win her over in person. Though it would take a great leap of faith on her behalf to go with me...

WHAT AM I THINKING????
This is never gonna happen...

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Subject:	my little rant...
Time:	10:16 am.
Mood:	angry.
Music:	Bright Eyes - Going For The Gold.

Why is it so impossible to happen upon cool people? Not people just pretending or thinking they are cool when infact they have no personality, no opinion, no taste, no sense of humor and listen to crap music.
I just want one person to comment on my radiohead - Letdown ringtone and say something like "hey, thats pretty cool".
Life's not like the movies. Where you can catch eye with a girl on the train or bus and sparks fly. It's all more complicated now. Too many imposters, girls who act all depressed and unhappy but they are really just a bitch who likes attention. You know like the Avril Lavigne type, acting like she's an outcast because it's cool to be unhappy and when infact she's just a spoiled bitch that's pissed off for no reason. Trouble with those types is now the "real" unhappy people have competition with the "aesthetically" unhappy people. So we just stay at home and become even more lonely and unhappy but in more solitude than before. So all the cool girls are hiding at home and becoming more and more lonely while the rest of the world fakes it through the day and is happy with that..

Oh well...
xo

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Subject:	my first entry
Time:	12:04 am.
Mood:	depressed.
Music:	Hefner - Good Fruit.

I was thinking it might be nice to write down some of the things that are on my mind.... often they might be pointless and boring but once in a while I might write something interesting. I'm hopeful and thinking it won't be very long...

Been listening to:
Hefner - Good Fruit (has to be the most relevant to how I'm feeling)
Pavement - Shady Lane
Sigur Rós - Njósnavélin
Simon & Garfunkel - Bookends

"You got to sort the good fruit from the bad fruit"

I was talking with Belle today which was so strange. Things felt the same as they were before. I wish I had her with me and I wish I had dated her while I had the chance. But now I'm not even sure if I ever had a chance but I know we would have had a lot of fun...
I'm so stupid, shy and self-conscious.
Now she's in a serious relationship with a guy who seems good to her.... I have no chance now....

Somehow I've taken a big step backwards these past few weeks.

Lets see how things go tomorrow.
nite
xo

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